I really like my job. Its a lot of fun....there are of course some draw backs...like there is with everything.

I wish it were full time, rather than freelance, maybe then I could move out of my parents house. Its hard for me to make friends there because, as usual, I seem to be the youngest person in my department. I'm almost 23! How the hell am I still getting the "wow you're young"....thanks..I appreciate the complimentary fact, but why is it so shocking? All the time? TO EVERYONE!!! *shakes head with cocked smile* (Side note....of late anyone who has asked me my age usually gets this WOW look on their face, then they tell me how young I am.....we do exist. lol)

Its very strange to hear my coworkers, people who I know don't know each other very well, share deeply personal heart wrenching stories in getting to know each other. I normally want to join in the conversation and engage my coworkers...but not this time. I'm glad I didn't open my mouth, not a topic I really want to share. Let alone hear someone elses story. Ben once put it succinctly in a story he wrote, "virtual strangers sharing on a level of emotional honesty that is beyond atrocious." Its a tad bit out of context here...but I think it works the same...so thanks Ben. I keep hoping I can make everything fit into place. Well, I'm certainly not going to stop trying : )

Probably should have stayed home

So I kinda got hit by a car tonight.....like not with any kind of speed... but still kinda hurty.

Went out to the Village with John, Bob and Eli, to watch the football games. I was in the parking lot and....ouchies!....

No big deal...I'm still alive..my knee hurts a little..but I figure that's no different than any other day. The driver said they thought I would move. Guess that's why you dont' assume. Oh well...today I become another pedestrian in the way.
Lesson learned...get the hell out of the way!

Allergies

Got up today....reluctantly....went to work...more reluctantly, and then went to Jill's to hang with her, the midget, and my boy. Watched clerks 2....hehe...I laugh. We played scrabble....good god why does that sound unbearably mundane?

Well all the while my allergies have been kicking my ass all day, with a wonderful combination of sneezing, running, and both eyes and nose itching...woooohooo! Who said allergies are just hell during springtime? Eh serves me right, I've been slacking in vacuuming my room lately because I've been running so much. So when I woke up with my cat next to my head this morning, and my eyes were two bloodshot orbs, I knew today was just gonna be one of those days.

Goin on a road trip tomorrow, very excited about that, have more listed about it on my myspace page. I'd list a link...but no one reads this...to my relief...so there's no real need. Hehe.

High Speed

So last night was my first experience with the infamous "merry f'ing x-mas". As I understand it it was initiated by two of the boyfriend's, better friends, in a collaborative effort to alternatively celebrate, and simultaneously snub Christmas eve.

Which means there's a party, and getting drunk is status quo. I see no problem with this. *smirk* Football was watched, conversation was...conversated.....(don't ask) and it snowed! I quite enjoy it.......easy to deal with once you get used to it and the loss of inhibition because of it meant that last night was the first night I ever actively tried to interact with the boy friend's friends.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried half heatedly before, but the whole painfully shy...awkward self imposed wall flower status had to go. It was easier, and more comfortable for me to just stay quiet and watch everyone, but I need to change things, so here's me taking a giant leap, in terms of my personality, and making a point of participating. I felt like I was going a million miles an hour, and I was paranoid that someone would notice, and yet at the same time...fuck it, I'm doin *it and you're not....too bad. hehe.
No the entire event was a blast. Presents were given, and set aside for those who were not in attendance. All in all lots of fun. : )

Music

What is it about music? A compounded number of specific sounds in a measured amount of time..and yet it affects EVERYONE in the world. Even people who can't hear it. Music makes you want to move, it echo's moments in your life with sense memory. So what is it about music that takes you out of yourself? What ever it is....I love you music. You give me quite a bit of joy. : )

During Advance Wars

A groan, of tedium escapes me
startling the fearful. Is this a test?
It has to be, otherwise I can't go on.
Draining, patience, drained vitality. This
paranoid, paralyzed this vampire
act's a little cold.

But I'm still right here,
giving blood keeping faith
but I'm still right here!

Wait it out. Gonna wait it out.
Be patient.

If there were no rewards to reap.
No loving embrace to see me through.
This tedious path I've chose here.
I certainly would have walked away,
by now?

And I still may....And I still may.

Be patient!
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap.
No loving embrace to see me through.
This tedious path I've chose here.
I certainly would have walked away,
by now.

Gonna wait it out. (Tool-"The Patient")

"Twirling 'round with this familiar parabol"

I'm in a Tool-mood today. I got drunk last night and started thinking. I'm not very good with thinking, I over think, over analyze, and then obsess...I try not to.

A friend said something last night that literally cut right through my stupor, like parting a wave, for the drunk to only slowly crash back. I have to wonder how hard I'm trying in certain situations. What can I do to make things better? To change opinions. And I do care! I care a lot! I'm not the type that can just shrug things off and ignore people. Whether I mean to or not things get to me...hence the thinking. So if this friend's opinion is really in this manner.....there's something I'm not doing correctly. But then this begs the social situation...what do you show them? What do you hold back? Its like political head games and every one's playing them, they know the rules and they know how to play. If that be the case, I need to get my ass in gear and play along. Or maybe not...maybe I just need to get my ass in gear and just fuck everything else thinks: choose a fucking goal...and do it, stop seeing all sides.