Gripe

I've been gripeing lately about the 3rd floor coworker that I am, essentially, avoiding at this point. And here's another one;

My Dad started calling me "James"......I dunno how far back. I've developed several nicknames amongst my family (as families are wont to do) and I'll even allow my close friends to use several of them (not that they do much..."hey asshole" tends to be popular though [kidding]) "James" however.. belongs to my Dad...it's just one of those things. So.....


You can imagine (if you'd like a laugh) my reaction when coworker tried to use it. I managed to keep my head from spinning totally around, and aimed the projectile vomit to the side. I have to wonder...does this woman really know how close she is to me flipping out at her? Advice?? Anyone? I'm really trying to avoid the whole "come right out and say it" thing...I'm not very good at that. (read overly blunt)

24

I got an *extra* special treat for my birthday yesterday, my Dad had off from work, and picked me up so I didn't have to take the bus..weeee!

We hung out at my parents for the afternoon and when everyone else got home we made hot dogs (for them), and mac n'cheese. (I ate the mac n'cheese [guilty pleasure]) With a "surprise" birthday cake for desert...

Me:Wait...Ona's not here we can't have cake till Saturday.
Mom: It's ok...I'm making another cake for saturday.
Me: DUDE! I get 2 cakes...I am SO cool!
Everyone else:.......no.

:)

Then we watched Field of Dreams. If you've never seen it, you're a crazy person, go see it, NOW! It's Baseball, it's the Costner, James Earl Jones, and fun at Ty Cobb's expense. It's wonderful, beautiful, and leaves you with a great feeling, because "Is this heaven? No, it's Iowa."

Awesome birthday!

Remembered

I remember........


It was an "extra" family vacation. The summer, I was 7 or 8. Rafting down the Delaware River with my Mom, and Dad, and both my sisters. The hours long drive up a highway to be bussed along the riverbanks, quiet and peaceful, almost like Valley Green Park. For the hours long trip coasting down the waters. Until I fell out.

I'd taken swim lessons before, but nothing like falling out of a raft. Abington High' School's pool had always had a bottom to push off of. Cold, safe sides to cling to when laps of "freestyle" got to be too many. Not like a real river, where the bottom drops away...I panicked. I remember calling out to my Dad treading water. His voice calm, cutting through my fear, telling me what to do. Stop. Keep your head up. Get back to the raft, and pull yourself up. I remember crying until he paddled down to me, telling me to calm down. "Everything's ok" The rest of the day blurs until we're home. Sitting on the back steps, my Mom rubbing lotion on my sun burnt shoulders, telling me she "couldn't help notice how [I] called for your father when you were in trouble." I couldn't explain it away. She went inside with hurt feelings.

I'm sorry.

Previously, on 'Things That I Blog About'

I've been listening to Our Lady Peace today;

Life is waiting for you,
it's all messed up, but we're alive,
it's all messed up, but we'll survive.

The last three months, this has been my life. Normal, uneventful, routine. And I wonder just what exactly I had been expecting?

I've found:
More patience for student excuses than I thought I'd ever have.
A coworker who scares me just a bit with her needy loneliness.
A personally frightening acceptance for the mundane.
And a new perspective on who I let affect me, and how.

As far as the last bit, well, I'm not worried about who judges me, or for what. And I'm more tired of seeing its effects hurt the man I love. It stops. Period end of discussion.

As far as things that are not so vague.... well the birthday is coming up. :) Yay! Should be fun. With any luck it'll be 'the gang' down at Nodding Heads, I'm excited, we all don't get to hang out very much any more, especially me and J. (Good news being that with his disappearing act he should be grad-u-ma-cating soon! weeeeeee!!!) It's weird having a day in between our birthday's this year....screw you Feb 29th!

Saturday should be freakin sweet with any luck. Meesh and Eddie invited me to go snowboarding with them. Some 'fallin down a mountain fun' Mattie was very excited that he will be working that day, and will not need to take the ride/sit in the lodge playing my PSP all day. LOL. He's still fairly adamant about NEVER participating in snow activities EVER again.

And if all goes well, I should have my new animation backgrounds drawn in Photoshop by Friday. :) "Normal" feels kind of weird, in a good way.

Tractor Bitches and Toms River

Everything in my crowded little head told me I just should have stayed home last night. I was tired, needed to clean, wanted to catch up on my downloaded episodes. (I know..but they're cute!) But you know me and commitments. If I say "I'll be there...", there I am. (with a few exceptions)

I HATE HATE HATE Fado's. It's a shitty bar, with shitty service, and shitty atmosphere...6 bucks for a strong bow! BUT they have quiz-o Wednesday nights. I guess I'm just a sucker for a girls night out that includes quiz-o. So me and the Moore Sorority clan met up and tested our wits. It was a good time, met some interesting new people, and went down in a blaze of rowdy glory. (we came in something like 5th) Hop the trolley back to Mel's then head home...except...oil light?? Oh...there's that burnt hair smell again.

So quick stop at a BP, throw in a quart...*Expletive!* Did I really just drop the oil cover INTO the engine!!!! *Expletive! expletive! expletive!!!* Now all good common sense says you NEVER reach into a hot engine to get ANYTHING. But 12:30 at night, outside a gas station, along the East River Drive, common sense can shut it's cake hole.

Hmm...could that sizzling sound possibly be related to the now really bad pain in my forearm??? Why, yes! It is! Then the oil cap fell even FURTHER into the engine, thankfully just on top of the shelf right under the radiator grill. Sacrificing any remaining dignity, I wriggled underneath the car, and got it out from there. Oh...a stain on my coat...that's nice..thanks. *Sigh*

It's 1 am by the time I get home, and what's that...Oh the dog threw up on the floor...yes this completes things nicely thank you.

Some days...the only thing you can do is laugh.

Religion, or the 45 minute class before lunch in grade school

Simply put...


I think the "idea" of religion is obsolete to me because at this point in time, in the history of man, it works against logic. It no longer works to explain things, it regresses knowledge to a mid-evil stereotype and we're smarter than that!

Faith......on the other hand is a different entity. Faith you cannot create. It's there or it isn't, depending upon subject matter. I really don't think you have a choice as to what you have faith in. Science, fate, god, "reality" or a flying spaghetti monster......if it makes enough sense to you to seem real, you're going to believe in it. It's funny, because a priest once told me that"faith will be your saving grace." He inferred faith in Jesus Christ, sure, but he didn't say faith in JC. And really, isn't that what drives people? Just faith? In a relative way, who is faithless? Everyone believes is something........

Ventilation

Ok, so today was not so much the good day. And while a good bit of the latter part of the day was spent being tearful, and dwelling on things, I've since stopped. I thought, at the time, all I ended up with was a bad mood and some bruised knuckles (I miss boxing classes at the gym). But, after a little thought, I am actually over it! HA! :D Positive steps.

I normally like to think that I don't believe in regrets. That, even when things go wrong, at least there is a lesson to be learned. Something very personal started this line of thinking a few years back, but now I have to question, do I regret some of my decisions?

Like leaving home. It still seems like a necessary step in my life, but it also caused some serious rifts to become even more solidified. And now those rifts, which I guess just weren't so obvious before, hurt a good bit. And since I routinely take every event and blame myself for it, whether I'm at fault or not....well..we're back to the not so good a day.

On an interesting note, I've started looking at wedding dresses...which just makes the whole "surreal wedding" less surreal. YIPE!