About 4 years ago, I was in English Comp 1 and College Math at AIPH. I met a guy named Shaun, and as it turns out he, my friend Jason, and I became friendly with each other. Later the boyfriend met him, and they got along as well.
Over the last 4 years I'm about the only person that continued to talk to Shaun. He's had a hard time of things, he lives in Upper Darby, and is kind of stuck there. When he graduated college, about 6 months before I did, he had really high hopes, and even higher standards. Despite his teacher's insistence, he diligently pursued careers in either story boarding (which requires MAD SKILLS to start off in, and years of dedication to get into) or traditional animation, which is a dying art.
I sympathized with him following what he really wanted, and even admired his tensity to not give up. Then his school loans started to come due, and he still couldn't find a job, anywhere, meanwhile a bad relationship with a woman he really loved kept plaguing him. She was emotionally abusive, and stunted, but he loved her. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. He sank pretty fast unfortunately, and no matter how hard we tried, his friend, (and mine) James, and I couldn't get him to "kick himself in the ass" to get it together and pull himself out of his depression.
He sort of tried, volunteering to come with me when I thought of moving to California or London in an effort to "throw" myself into the "business hotbed" But always stood by his theory that he could never get anywhere on his own. Hearing this, and seeing him sinking deeper, I had to distance myself, I feel bad about it, but actually all of his friends did. I wanted to be the friend that "stuck by him".....but reality is irrefutable, I couldn't be responsible for "getting him on his feet"....and when he asked me to help him "get his foot in the door" of where I worked, I had to say no. I'm new...I'm not anyone special. I don't have years of experience behind me, and a resume of gold stars.
As time happens to go, I got busy, I figured his aim message is always on forward to mobile, and if he really needed to talk to me he'd message me. So we didn't talk for a while. Tonight he actually came online...and I messaged him. Imagine my surprised when he responded, in his overly dramatic way, suggesting I go kill myself. I asked him if he were serious or if he were just being strangely sarcastic, and he affirmed his thoughts.
*shrug* ok, I don't get it, but I can respect it. I said goodbye and deleted him. Quite frankly, whether overly dramatic, whether really serious or not, I don't need the drama. None of his situation is my fault, and I keep telling myself not to feel bad about it. I'm not offended by his comment, because I can understand his being bitter if his situation hasn't improved....but that leaves me to wonder......was I wrong to finally give up? Should I have said something more? He was/is? my friend......should I have let him have his temper tantrum and then sorted things out once the proverbial smoke cleared?
I suppose I have to say no. I have my own "full plate" right now of things that need my attention. I can't go back to being resident "Dear Abby" for my friends. If we're meant to go back to being friends, I suppose it will turn out that way. As for right now, I focus on getting my act together.
So why do I still feel so bad, like I should have been more compassionate? : /
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