Stop for a sec

Wow I slept like a LOG last night. Thursday and Friday nights were with Boyfriend, he's a blanket hog : / Saturday and Sunday I think I got stuck with the WORST hostel roommates to date, but I figure that was just because of the holiday. Monday I stayed with Mommafriend, (my god daughter's mom...my best friend) only her heat went out....yuck...slept in my clothes, my coat, and two blankets, and I think I still got frost bite. All in all, since Thursday I've been waking up every 45 minuets to an hour. Ewwww.

So I DEFINITELY enjoyed last night.

I needed to clear my head a bit as well last night. Mommafriend just got into a relationship (she's divorced) with a co worker. It seems great, they are really emotionally connected, and really respect each other. They don't really fight and according to Mommafriend "I actually think about what I'm going to say when I am mad at him, cause I don't want to hurt him....I never did that with (Ex husband)"

There's only one problem, one very BIG problem. New Guy is married...like 10 years married. And while I don't care to judge him or her about what they're doing, for like a million reasons.....I think it is starting to get to me. I was thinking about it last night, and the thought of it scares me. Mommafriend's ex is her ex because he cheated on her, Boyfriend's ex cheated on him, and Mister J's ex girl friend cheated on him.

I wanna say the problem lies in that there are "Rules" to dating. That society has structured and formalized how we are supposed to feel towards a "mate"....but I don't really think that's it. I KNOW the whole thing is complicated, and its all about emotions, and things you can only see in hindsight, but at the same time, its also got a lot to do with courage, honesty, and self control.

You have a choice, take new guy....he didn't choose to sit down with his wife of 10 years and say "Listen I'm having a problem and you need to know about it" He snuck around with a willing participant who agreed "His wife would just never find out".............I'm sorry....but....ARE YOU KIDDING????!!!!!!

And like I said....I'm not judging either or them, I listen and call "Bullshit" when Mommafriend tries to run it by me. Hopefully keep her grounded a bit. Its not my place to tell her what to do or anything. *shrug*

But at the same time...I need to get away from it for a few days, (we've been talking about it since Thursday) and I need to stop letting it make me uncomfortable in my own relationship. I definitely let the thought get to me, and I'm kinda mad at myself for that. Don't get me wrong. I love Boyfriend.......like WOW SO MUCH (in simplest terms)....... but that also makes me afraid. I haven't had much luck with people being close to me in my life. Its hard constantly shushing the loud voice in my head telling me its gonna be "the same as before" Its doable...its just hard. I now designate the rest of the day to "Not worrying about stuff that has nothing to do with me"
: )

that should help things.