Something to think about

So a few weeks ago, Mammafriend told me the national guard might deploy her, again. This time either to Egypt, or back to Afghanistan.......

Then she asked me if I'd move into her house for the year she was deployed and take care of her daughter Kayla. I'd never felt like pissing my pants, throwing up and crying at the same time until then.

Mammafriend lives in Lansdale, in a really cute house, with an apartment above where her dad lives. They share rent and utilities, and they both raise Kayla. Except that Grandpa, can't raise Kayla on his own. He can't deal with a baby, he's been a single parent all his adult life (after Mammafriend's mother left them) and if she were older, he'd be ok, but now, he'd need help. This is where I'd come in.

OH MY GOD!!!!! I'd be Aunt Jamie/Mom...for a year....365+ days! OH MAN!!!!!!!!

I really want to say yes, because I'm Kayla's godmother. I, essentially, knew this was the role I'd be assuming if ever, "god" forbid. If something would ever happen to Mammafriend, or her ex, I would take the responsibility of raising Kayla, mentally and spiritually etc. I signed the paperwork. I stood there on the day the kid was baptized!.... How can I say no?

NOTHING is definite yet, but there's a very good chance that this will happen. WOW. I love kids, I get along great with them. And honest truth, I love Kayla, like she was mine, but am I able to do this?? Am I able to take care of this little girl, who would be turning 3 while I was taking care of her. Would I be able to help this little mind understand where her Mommy and Daddy were? Why they weren't there to tuck her in at night? Or send her off to daycare? I'm 23, would I be ready to be instant mom???


The other aspect weighing heavily on the mind is boyfriend. My jaw almost dropped when Mammafriend asked me this, and Boyfriend thought "it would be awesome!"..........I'm sorry.....what????!!!!

"I could help you! We could work, and play with her after, and take her to the park!"..........I'm confused...weren't you the Boyfriend who was leaning towards adopting, if not having children at all?? He was so excited, my head spun. And then of course there's my situation. I freelance in New York! What if I have to move up there? What if I can't get a job locally to cover the extra bills? What if, what if what if????

Its a lot to think about, and thankfully I have until Fall to think about it. The worst part of thinking is wondering, am I fundamentally capable of doing what my heart would LOVE to do?

Right now, I don't know. : /