On a whim

Had to go to the Acme to get my cats some more cat food today. And while I was there I walked past mushrooms, buy one get one free! COOL! 2 packs of mushrooms for 2.19 : ) I love the little mushyrooms. Grabbed that and some organic, whole wheat pasta I found.

So I fired up the stove when I got home and made a quick little stir fry. Mushrooms, celery, onions, carrots, broccoli, garlic, leeks, as my pasta cooked. I added fresh ground black pepper, coriander, sage, some water, and a little lemon juice and let the veggies sit. Then I added them to the pasta! Yummy...

On my own serving I added a good topping of crushed red pepper flakes (hehe I like it HOT!) Awesome veggies! but my pasta's a little bland : /

anyone have any suggestions???

Processing.....(does not compute)

So "the issue" that's been slowly eating away at my sanity, finally came to its end this morning.

Now I'm dealing with the aftermath, and I'm asking myself all the questions that I'm not sure of the answer to.

Am I happy? Is this worth it? What should I believe? Am I being honest with myself? Can I do better? Don't I deserve better? When is the threshold of understanding and forgiveness crossed? When do I say enough is enough? When do I say, I've had it, I'm done?

Thinking thinking..." what? fatal error??!"

Kind of have to laugh

I usually take my horoscope with a grain of salt....but there are days when I do read it....and laugh at the thought there might be something to it. File under "I couldn't make this shit up"

Your romantic hopes might well be shattered today, and you may be forced to seriously consider a separation. The conjunction of the card of Death and the Star often indicates an emotional crisis, and it goes without saying that this could be making you feel very downbeat today. It’s difficult to give advice in these situations, but it’s no good swimming against the current or trying to convince someone to stay if they have already packed their case, dear Jamie. Deep down, of course, you know that with time you’ll get over it. In your work environment, your projects and your professional career seem to be stalling at the moment. You’re basically waiting for a green light or for a change in the organization, as in the absence of this your hands are tied and you cannot do anything, or commit to even the smallest expense. Having to wait like this is costing you your last nerve and yet there is nothing you can do. The alliance of Temperance and Death shows that you with a little good will you will be able to be patient and to adapt to the new order of things.

Could use some help : (

I'm not a very religious person. Raised RC, I believed in God about as long as I believed in the Easter Bunny, Santa, and that there were alligators living under my bed. Ball park it? About 7 years old.

I've tried following several different "paths" to no avail, I've kinda of settled on being agnostic. However...today's a bad day. So...if there is some sort of force...or an actual god out there....I could use a hand.

Or for that matter...human advice would be welcome too : (

World War 3

So my friend Johno signs on last night to show me pictures he found of World War 3. Oh...buddy.

WW3 happened back in late November early December last year, and was a COMPLETE debacle of a party. Johno invited everyone to the homestead in Jersey, so Boyfriend, myself and another friend trekked out for some fun.

The night started off well enough, everyone drinking, playing video games, beer pong and the like. As we mellowed out, the instruments came out and we had an impromptu TOOL jam session. On and on it went, until finally it came time to roll out, and Boyfriend and I couldn't find my friend anywhere. Now I may be very drunk here, but boyfriend isn't and he can't find her either! As it turned out she'd met a guy, and they made busy friendly hiding in the basement. .......now normally something like that would a) shock the hell out of me b) hasten my vacating the party and c) seriously think about bringing said friend to another party. But this was not the normal run of things. Quite frankly Johno has no rules, and doesn't give a damn about much. He in fact told me so when I pulled him aside to discuss the aforementioned situation and offer my apologies for friend's behavior. Alcohol greases the wheels in talks of negotiation and peace.

So we were convinced to stay a bit longer, drink a bit more, and not leave. Hitch number 2 came when BMC's date inquires of us all smoking on the front porch "Why is my boyfriend sucking face with some chick in the kitchen?"

I'd like to take this time to suggest, for anyone who has never been in this situation before, that the BEST course of action (and the one I took) is to say NOTHING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I put down my cigarette, opened the front door, and sure enough BMC and a girl he did not bring to the party are getting mouthily acquainted. Lets skip ahead to the fun part.

About an hour later I'm again on the front porch smoking a cigarette with BMC, calmly avoiding any conversation that may have had to do with the since ended drama of confrontation. When he looks up at me and says, sarcastically, "I just want to thank you for telling on me to Megg" Drunk complacency on hold. "B. I have never been more honest in my life than right now, I didn't say SHIT to her. She asked US why you were." Awkward silence. "Well, ok then, sorry I thought it was you." We then discussed the matter a bit further and agreed, inebriation notwithstanding, that that maaaaybe wasn't the best time for him to act impulsively.

Even with these two hits the party could have come out only mildly scathed. But was BMC and I finished our smokes and headed back in, the scene with which we were greeted signaled the end of the night. One of Johno's coworkers girlfriends, pounding on the bathroom door swearing obscenities, and the dreaded words..."I know you're fuckin cheatin on me, now get the fuck out here" *Quick look around* And I realize... Oh no! Where is friend? My friend, her friendly new friend, and another guy I didn't know exit one at a time from the bathroom.

If it were the comic universe how I would prefer it, I would have used my telepathy to signal boyfriend to get the smoke grenades ready. That on my count he would toss them, I'd grab my friend and we'd make a stealthy Batman worthy exit! As it happened there was screaming, yelling, denial, and my friend being ready to slam this girl in the face.

I often wonder how I get myself into these things.....

After most of the shouting, and laughter (I forgot to mention a good number of people, including Johno, thought that if not for the threat of cops, this was hilarious) with rival parties separated, it was REALLY time, for everyone, to leave. Except for one problem. As we head to the front door with everyone else, Spags, quite determined and quite drunk pulls me aside and says to me;

S "Tell me what happened"

ME"Well I'd love to Spags, except I wasn't in the room, and honestly can't tell you."
S "NO I KNOW what happened....I want YOU to tell me what happened"

I'm confused for a second before I realize, Oh my god he thinks it was ME in the bathroom

ME "Spags I wasn't in there, she told me what happened, and she wouldn't lie to me, so as far as I know nothing happened"
S "Look...I'm not mad...I just want you to tell me what happened in there"

At this point Boyfriend came to my rescue "C'mon we gotta get goin" We mention the event every so often and we all have a good laugh about it now. Except for Spags, who I think still might be under the impression I was in the bathroom. Maybe someday I'll fill him in. : )

Free for a Freelancer

SWEET!
I've never been so happy that Chyron/Lyric is a bundle of bugs! Bernadette, the head of our graphics department, had someone from Chyron corporation come in today to help "mainstream" and update our Chyron system. Basically since we've upgraded to the new graphics, all the mis programmed, halfassed shortcuts that had been made on the system a year ago came crashing down in a flaming shit storm! LOL The only dependable thing about our Duet in the last two weeks has been that it WILL crash at some point...when is optional. During the show, during commercial break...*shrug* keeps you on your toes.

Anywho, I met Marty today when I got in, he and Bernadette were discussing updates, and things about Viz (haha an ENTIRELY different can of worms there) and she introduced us.
"Are you a freelancer?"
"Yea"
*gives me his card*
"We sponsor training for freelancers on Chyron, 5 days, 8 hours a day, the ENTIRE thing"

This is up there in the top 5 cool things that could happen to me today! In fact it completely cancels out the fact that my pants are drenched, up almost to my knees, from walking in the rain. (Damn you subway!)

Not only does this put a cool "Hey look at me!" on my resume, but the guy works for NBC Olympics! Dude...CONTACT!! yay! Man I hope this works out...I could use a full time job right now. Lol

Something to think about

So a few weeks ago, Mammafriend told me the national guard might deploy her, again. This time either to Egypt, or back to Afghanistan.......

Then she asked me if I'd move into her house for the year she was deployed and take care of her daughter Kayla. I'd never felt like pissing my pants, throwing up and crying at the same time until then.

Mammafriend lives in Lansdale, in a really cute house, with an apartment above where her dad lives. They share rent and utilities, and they both raise Kayla. Except that Grandpa, can't raise Kayla on his own. He can't deal with a baby, he's been a single parent all his adult life (after Mammafriend's mother left them) and if she were older, he'd be ok, but now, he'd need help. This is where I'd come in.

OH MY GOD!!!!! I'd be Aunt Jamie/Mom...for a year....365+ days! OH MAN!!!!!!!!

I really want to say yes, because I'm Kayla's godmother. I, essentially, knew this was the role I'd be assuming if ever, "god" forbid. If something would ever happen to Mammafriend, or her ex, I would take the responsibility of raising Kayla, mentally and spiritually etc. I signed the paperwork. I stood there on the day the kid was baptized!.... How can I say no?

NOTHING is definite yet, but there's a very good chance that this will happen. WOW. I love kids, I get along great with them. And honest truth, I love Kayla, like she was mine, but am I able to do this?? Am I able to take care of this little girl, who would be turning 3 while I was taking care of her. Would I be able to help this little mind understand where her Mommy and Daddy were? Why they weren't there to tuck her in at night? Or send her off to daycare? I'm 23, would I be ready to be instant mom???


The other aspect weighing heavily on the mind is boyfriend. My jaw almost dropped when Mammafriend asked me this, and Boyfriend thought "it would be awesome!"..........I'm sorry.....what????!!!!

"I could help you! We could work, and play with her after, and take her to the park!"..........I'm confused...weren't you the Boyfriend who was leaning towards adopting, if not having children at all?? He was so excited, my head spun. And then of course there's my situation. I freelance in New York! What if I have to move up there? What if I can't get a job locally to cover the extra bills? What if, what if what if????

Its a lot to think about, and thankfully I have until Fall to think about it. The worst part of thinking is wondering, am I fundamentally capable of doing what my heart would LOVE to do?

Right now, I don't know. : /