I went to Strawberry Fields this morning before I
came home from New York. I walked down 72nd
right past the Dakota. Looking down the dark entrance
where John Lennon was murdered. I wasn't even ALIVE
when it happened, and it still brings a sense of loss
and sadness. And while there are still those who
advocate peace with the same passion as Lennon,
few come close to his artistic views, creativity,
or "knack" for sheer beauty.

As I followed the path down through the Park
I saw the mosaic in the cement. I was almost a
little disappointed, the last time I saw it was in Summer,
when people would lay flowers, and candles, and ribbon that

brought a vibrancy to the words.

I did say almost disappointed, because even though it wasn't
decorated as I remembered it, the message held the
same gravity. Imagine One simple word that inspires hope,
and rests on us all the responsibility everyone needs to carry.
Our little blue orb is in trouble, and our job, our right, our joy,
should be to imagine how to fix it successfully.

Never fails to entertain

JesusIsFingMetal: this is ur conscience speaking. why the hell arent u drunk right now?!

T0b104c3:well....im at work for one thing...and im broke for another

JesusIsFingMetal:blah blah blah. im hearing alot of excuses and not alot of drinking

T0b104c3:well let me ask you...are you drunk? cause if not...i got a big glass of "shut the hell up" frosty and cold just waitin for ya! : )

JesusIsFingMetal:well no but i could if i wanted to. i think ill take that cold and frosty glass u offered

T0b104c3:would you like a bag of "crap screamer" to with that? (hey are we drinkin friday or saturday?)

yuck

I felt like crap when I woke up at 4:30 this morning. I thought it was because I was hung over. I dozed a bit more, slamming my alarm clock when the snooze time had lapsed (fucker only gives me 3 minuets!!!!) and eventually roused myself to the shower. As time went on I felt better. Then I caught my bus up here, and walked......wow is it a far walk! The problem with staying at the hostel I'm at now is that its on the Upper West side of Manhattan. Chinatown, where I get off the bus is on the Lower East side, below Soho. Normally I wouldn't mind a bit of a stroll, except it was 33 degrees and windy. Burrrrrrrrrr

Finally found my train up to the hostel, checked in, and turned right around, caught the train back and went to work. Then I started to feel like crap again. Yuck. Made some tea a little bit ago. Tea's cool!

**Flashback**

When we were little my grandmother would take care of us when we were sick while my mom was at work. She'd make us a cup of tea, and pour a little Sambucca in it. Then she'd read to us until we fell asleep, which was never very long after. : )

** **

I've never been a voluntary fan of Sambucca, I don't dig the black licorice. But I think of it, and her, every time I drink tea.

I'm really not sure why.......

About 4 years ago, I was in English Comp 1 and College Math at AIPH. I met a guy named Shaun, and as it turns out he, my friend Jason, and I became friendly with each other. Later the boyfriend met him, and they got along as well.

Over the last 4 years I'm about the only person that continued to talk to Shaun. He's had a hard time of things, he lives in Upper Darby, and is kind of stuck there. When he graduated college, about 6 months before I did, he had really high hopes, and even higher standards. Despite his teacher's insistence, he diligently pursued careers in either story boarding (which requires MAD SKILLS to start off in, and years of dedication to get into) or traditional animation, which is a dying art.

I sympathized with him following what he really wanted, and even admired his tensity to not give up. Then his school loans started to come due, and he still couldn't find a job, anywhere, meanwhile a bad relationship with a woman he really loved kept plaguing him. She was emotionally abusive, and stunted, but he loved her. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. He sank pretty fast unfortunately, and no matter how hard we tried, his friend, (and mine) James, and I couldn't get him to "kick himself in the ass" to get it together and pull himself out of his depression.

He sort of tried, volunteering to come with me when I thought of moving to California or London in an effort to "throw" myself into the "business hotbed" But always stood by his theory that he could never get anywhere on his own. Hearing this, and seeing him sinking deeper, I had to distance myself, I feel bad about it, but actually all of his friends did. I wanted to be the friend that "stuck by him".....but reality is irrefutable, I couldn't be responsible for "getting him on his feet"....and when he asked me to help him "get his foot in the door" of where I worked, I had to say no. I'm new...I'm not anyone special. I don't have years of experience behind me, and a resume of gold stars.

As time happens to go, I got busy, I figured his aim message is always on forward to mobile, and if he really needed to talk to me he'd message me. So we didn't talk for a while. Tonight he actually came online...and I messaged him. Imagine my surprised when he responded, in his overly dramatic way, suggesting I go kill myself. I asked him if he were serious or if he were just being strangely sarcastic, and he affirmed his thoughts.

*shrug* ok, I don't get it, but I can respect it. I said goodbye and deleted him. Quite frankly, whether overly dramatic, whether really serious or not, I don't need the drama. None of his situation is my fault, and I keep telling myself not to feel bad about it. I'm not offended by his comment, because I can understand his being bitter if his situation hasn't improved....but that leaves me to wonder......was I wrong to finally give up? Should I have said something more? He was/is? my friend......should I have let him have his temper tantrum and then sorted things out once the proverbial smoke cleared?

I suppose I have to say no. I have my own "full plate" right now of things that need my attention. I can't go back to being resident "Dear Abby" for my friends. If we're meant to go back to being friends, I suppose it will turn out that way. As for right now, I focus on getting my act together.

So why do I still feel so bad, like I should have been more compassionate? : /

Birthday Celebration

T0b104c3: c'mon dude, we got less than a week to think of something cool to do.

JesusIsFingMetal: im partial to raping puppies

T0b104c3: didn't we do that last year???
(My friend and I are going to hell....we know this)
T0b104c3: oh...no...we went to that show at the house of blues

T0b104c3: dude...we should just go get completely fucking drunk

JesusIsFingMetal: lol its coming down to that
T0b104c3: why don't you transfer to ainy??

T0b104c3: easier than transferring to ai in cal

JesusIsFingMetal: ai in ny doesnt have any real animation program

T0b104c3: ? really? suck pot! they can go to hell and when they get there...they'll tell'em murphy sent em

JesusIsFingMetal: quiet little murphy. tc is doing...something

T0b104c3: lol

T0b104c3: OH MY GOD

T0b104c3: THAT"S IT

T0b104c3: get drunk

T0b104c3: and watch SEALAB!!!

JesusIsFingMetal: lol

T0b104c3: that's so fucking it its not even funny!

Pets and rescue

The boyfriend and I were talking about moving to New York again. Maybe I won't be going alone......??

I'm not sure what the time table is looking like anymore, and the longer I wait the longer this seems like its going to take. I'm still determined to make it happen...the best way to do it though is not clear.

One thing seems to be for certain, if we get an apartment together, we want pets. : )
Boyfriend wants a dog, I say as long as the thing is at least 2 feet tall, and weighs 35 lbs its fine. I don't want a swiffer mop yapping at me. Sorry, its not that small dogs are less lovable...but I want a big cuddle buddy. Something to knock me over with big smelly dog kisses. : )

I figure this is due to my summers with my cousins down in Maryland, they had a really awesome Great Dane named Duke. To and eight year old he was a freakin horse, running around their back yard/woods he would chase you down from out of nowhere and wrestle with you. He was at least 50 lbs of pure love, never biting, never overly aggressive. And he'd let the cat sleep on his back at night. : )

I have a cat named Poe (as in Edgar Allen, not the teletubby. That occurred to me later on : ( ] My sister and I adopted her and her sister from a litter almost 3 years ago. Poe, will be moving with me, but she needs company, she's not the most confidant of kitties. : / And since her little sister Aries will be staying with my younger sister, I'll need to adopt a friend for her. I'm considering the experimental, adopt another kitten, that way it won't threaten Poe too much, and hopefully build her confidence.

So I've spent a little time web researching, and found some neat animal rescue shelters in NY. Animal haven is my favorite so far as they don't believe in euthanizing un adopted animals.

On second thought....

I had two posts up yesterday, they were whiny...funny at the time, but I decided against leaving them up when I looked at them today. Sooo if never were they seen...meh ok by me : )

Spent the night in the hostel...its was...interesting..at first. Jamie doesn't do credit cards, so no holding a room with one took place before I came up. Eh no biggie I figure. I got the last bed in the hostel actually, but as it happened it was in a "guys" room. Errr...umm...well now's not the time to start being picky : / I met one of my roommates, an older guy from Japan. He was very polite, and though we never actually introduced ourselves by name (huh...how did that happen??) the conversation, what we understood of each other, was pleasant.

I got done work early, we didn't have to do any reshoots, and was back at the hostel by 2 am. The Japanese man, I had met earlier that day, and another guy, about 24/25, who I later met and found out was from Switzerland, were already asleep. So I tossed my bag on the top bunk, and curled up to sleep. Then the 4th roommate came in. For some reason, that made me a little uncomfortable. I rolled over facing the wall, and actually hoped he wouldn't notice I was the only girl in the room. I actually felt scared when something bumped the bunk bed, and I really realized...I don't know who these people are. Sure...they're probably just normal every day people......probably. Call me paranoid. *shrug* I finally told myself to get a grip and nodded off. Woke up around 7, and decided to take a little walk.

I treated myself to some yummy dried mango slices for lunch today, thinking about buying some fruit to take back when I get back to China town on the way home. I really like being here! I actually like all the people and the noise (go figure) My biggest hangup now is...if I do move here...I'm not gonna be able to go to Phillies or Flyers games. : ( I'm gonna miss dollar dog day at Citizen's Bank Park....or the Mites on Ice (Pee Wee hockey 5 year olds too cute!!) during the game. : (

And there's NO WAY I'm becoming a New York fan...I already promised my dad. : )