Common Sense

Says that when "battling" the problems, a drink and some P.J. Harvey are NOT on the helping side. Though it seems fitting, fitting to what exactly?? *is frustrated at self* It's true blog, there's a whole lot of clutter in the noggin tonight, and I REALLY don't (want to/know how to) deal with it. Guess I'm still looking for the "right" answers in all of the uncertainty. *sigh* When do I learn, it's not the right answer, it's what's right for me? *rolls eyes incredulously*

I have to

wonder lately because a friend of mine was recently put on serious medication. Personally I am vehemently against using habitual medication as anything but a last resort.

Advil-fine, anti-biotics-fine...you don't have to use them for long....but for his problem...well they're long term...and they're disruptive to his life, apparently they make him really tired. And while I know in the long run, he'll be better using them (and that's really ALL that matters) it still scares me to see him go through this. Course I'd never tell him that ;)

But then I have to wonder (because, head case that I am, I will eventually compare EVERYTHING I see inwardly and how I myself measure up to it)how is it any different than the "method" I use to sleep?? Really dependency is dependency when it comes right down to it. So it's not like what I do is any better. Although it may be more fun.

I've been

enamored with post secret for a while now. And while I've wanted to send in a secret since Miss M and Super L introduced me to it two years ago, I haven't. And I've finally realized why, I don't feel I need to be anonymous. This is my past, and while it does not make me proud, it is part of who I am...and I LOVE who I am for the first time in a long time. And I'm strong enough to admit without malice..........


Older and wiser I know I could not have stopped for anyone but me. Thank you for showing me you care.

Thinking of

everything bad that's happened between us, and all the reasons I could/should/would hate you if I were any other person. But I can't.......even if sometimes I want to.

I'm not

blind to what you're trying to (less than) subtly insinuate....I don't want to hurt you...I NEED you to understand, there are things bigger than me that won't let me go backwards, and that I have to say "no"

There are a lot of days

I wonder just "what the fuck am I doing???? Then I go back to being the happy-go-lucky headcase....

Ambitious people set goals to achieve what they want....what do you do when you don't know what you want to do??

Went out to

dinner with my mom, older sister and brother-in-law after I got stranded at work today. Took a chance and ate curry. Actually LAUGHED with them on the ride back for the first time in...who knows how long.It's odd not to feel so isolated. Isolation is more familiar than anything else right now. Puked up my curry, I'm still "allergic" and can't handle it. (UGH!) Been sneezing all night (thank you allergies)and tomorrow is Friday. It's going to be a long day.