Or maybe not

While I've been working on the whole "comic blog" idea, meaning I've got lots of random unfinished stories, clogging up my computer with a constant running of 15/20 photoshop files.......

Yea, it's not coming together like I wanted. I'll probably add a few...but I think it works better as an idea, not an execution. I started feeling badly last night, and woke up this morning feeling worse. The brain is working overtime with familiar self criticism...et all. Feeling distressed,like I can't catch my breath. Old thoughts are creeping in, and it's hard not to want the easy way out.

I'm excited to go to work Monday. But my attitude feels negative, which ok result of the crappy mood. But it's hard when no one else respects how you feel about things. I've held the philosophy for a long time, that if you speak something, you'd better mean it. (Because you can't unsay it) And hearing things like "when you fuck this up" and "I'm 50 I don't have to be respectful" (yea...I STILL don't believe I actually heard that one) *sigh* I'm just complaining at you blog. Sorry.

In other news I've apparently pinched a nerve (?) in my arm, and it's sort of funny because half my ring finger and my last finger on my left hand are numb, as is half my palm...and the bottom of the heel of my hand. (It's actually quite a distinctive line between feeling, and not) 4 days so far, funny thing is, I can feel when I screw it up again as it's healing. While straightening my arm, it's a funny "sliding" feeling, and then an "oh...that just got more numb" *shrug*

Anywho blog, sort of a boring post...but..hey that's life.

Soon to be new and improved

I hate to say it, but it was cute/fun helping my Grandfather to figure out how to use his Excel for his book keeping. Writing out formulas for him, and helping him get rid of "that damn annoying thing on the bottom" (the help desk animation) :)


Blogs will be slow from now on, because they will be coming...IN COMIC FORM! Which means first brain storming, then drawing, then photoshoping before upload...but it'll be worth it. My inspiration for said endeavor, greatness like PA and Hijinks. What can I say, web comics have gotten me through class, slow work days and inane family functions ;)

Squishy-Squash!!!

This evenings plans with Ramworship, fell through rather early this morning. These things happen. What better a reason to be productive! Instead of planning more and more and more (while never really getting to it) I decided today was THE DAY! My first attempt at soup from scratch! WOW! I picked a simple one to start with, which just happens to be one of my favorites (wink) butternut squash soup yipeeeeeeee!


with a little help from http://vegweb.com/

I've been (by choice) without a car for almost a year. And while sometimes it is a pain in the ass, it makes me do things like walk the few extra miles a week to the store. Today, I met this little guy!

I have no clue what his name is, or who his owners are, but he came running up to the fence ready to play!

When I got back, I chopped, diced, and sauteed the lot of it. After the squash..well...squashed... into the blender it went!


The first taste test was a HUGE surprise, which I'm not sure is a good thing. I actually made this face...


DUDE!!!! It was really good!!

Tally:
Two batches made (when the first one came out well, I immediately made a second)
One whole Butternut Squash
3 cans of veggie stock
1 large onion
8 garlic cloves
4 table spoons EVOO [I used extra virgin olive oil(hahaha I love that)
3 sliced fingers (whoops!)
1 Nose bleed (not really my fault)
2 containers of REALLY YUMMY SOUP! (I gave one to my mom)

Technically a month in coming

I'm....a weasel. Totally. Even thinking about this makes me want to squirm. I "quit" Comcast at the end of September. It became very clear I was never moving from "freelance" status(which wasn't even what I was supposed to be hired for) and that it was only going to be weekends....FORR-EH-VER!

Me: Listen [Boss type guy], I've got another opportunity down in Philly, and this isn't very lucrative anymore, I need to be full time. I can give you my next two weeks as the weekends or anytime during the week that you might need me, but that's about it."

Him: I understand, well thanks very much for helping out this last month and, yes the next two weekends would be great.
_____________________________________________________________________________________

And that was that, right? WRONG. E-mail after final two weeks...

Hey J

I was wondering if you would be interested in staying on, for Sunday's and alternating Saturday's through October, it would really be a help, just until we find someone else.
-[Boss Guy]

I should have said no.
Had a good laugh about this topic (and other's) with Corman before I responded. Of course I said yes..I'm too helpful!
So October continues, and I drag myself up to New York for my weekends some more. The real drag, is that there's nothing I need to be doing up there. I spend 14 hours a day in an office....doing nothing! Seriously, I wasn't making artwork anymore, I wasn't given any projects. I just babysat the room on the off chance they'd need a graphic that day (which they didn't usually)
I was the professional equivalent of a plant. Don't get me wrong, I'm not complaining about being paid to watch movies/draw/photoshop all day. I'm not stupid. But the HUGE wasting my time, really got on my nerves. Not to mention that I had to spend quite a bit to get up there, and stay up there. It just wasn't worth it. So at the end of October, when my boss was insinuating that he'd really like me to work on my Father's birthday (a day that I'd taken off for MONTHS in advance [especially after getting screwed for my mom's 50th Birthday])I'd had enough. And then....this!

Hey J

I wanted to know if you were interested in working Sunday's and alt Sat's through November as well, let me know.

[Boss]

.....in the words of Charlie Brown...AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGHHHH!!! (god I wish I had that sound byte!) EFF! EFF! G-D-it!!! SONOFABLEEP! No!....
so of course I said yes. What the hell is wrong with me?? I am a COMPLETE WORM! *sigh*

Then I moved. I was busy. I was tired. And it seemed like a good excuse. I deliberately called my boss' voice mail, left a shitty message saying I would not be coming in for the weekend. When he called me back, I didn't answer the phone. I actually erased his message so I wouldn't cave, and kept working on my move. I left one more (shitty) voice mail message saying I wouldn't be coming in any more, and got an official email the other day about job abandonment/effective resignation.

I'm a turd

In my mind I've rationalized it 100 different ways. The company sucked, they took advantage of this and that and blah blah blah. In the end, it really wasn't right. *squirm squirm* I really didn't want to leave the job this way. And I didn't go about it with intentions of "screwing them" because I hated my job. I just knew if I had any kind of first person contact I would have folded and hauled my ass up to NY to be more miserable.

So I guess the moral here is that I need to hold my ground. Even if I'm still rather "spineless" on the professional level. If I say no, I need to stick to my guns, instead of stammering, uh-ing and um-ing my way into agreement to please people that aren't going to reciprocate. (I know! I KNOW! Impeccable with your word...shush it 4 agreements!!!)[hey just cause I didn't find the book Earth shattering, doesn't mean I ignore it]