High Speed

So last night was my first experience with the infamous "merry f'ing x-mas". As I understand it it was initiated by two of the boyfriend's, better friends, in a collaborative effort to alternatively celebrate, and simultaneously snub Christmas eve.

Which means there's a party, and getting drunk is status quo. I see no problem with this. *smirk* Football was watched, conversation was...conversated.....(don't ask) and it snowed! I quite enjoy it.......easy to deal with once you get used to it and the loss of inhibition because of it meant that last night was the first night I ever actively tried to interact with the boy friend's friends.

Don't get me wrong, I've tried half heatedly before, but the whole painfully shy...awkward self imposed wall flower status had to go. It was easier, and more comfortable for me to just stay quiet and watch everyone, but I need to change things, so here's me taking a giant leap, in terms of my personality, and making a point of participating. I felt like I was going a million miles an hour, and I was paranoid that someone would notice, and yet at the same time...fuck it, I'm doin *it and you're not....too bad. hehe.
No the entire event was a blast. Presents were given, and set aside for those who were not in attendance. All in all lots of fun. : )

Music

What is it about music? A compounded number of specific sounds in a measured amount of time..and yet it affects EVERYONE in the world. Even people who can't hear it. Music makes you want to move, it echo's moments in your life with sense memory. So what is it about music that takes you out of yourself? What ever it is....I love you music. You give me quite a bit of joy. : )

During Advance Wars

A groan, of tedium escapes me
startling the fearful. Is this a test?
It has to be, otherwise I can't go on.
Draining, patience, drained vitality. This
paranoid, paralyzed this vampire
act's a little cold.

But I'm still right here,
giving blood keeping faith
but I'm still right here!

Wait it out. Gonna wait it out.
Be patient.

If there were no rewards to reap.
No loving embrace to see me through.
This tedious path I've chose here.
I certainly would have walked away,
by now?

And I still may....And I still may.

Be patient!
I must keep reminding myself of this.

And if there were no rewards to reap.
No loving embrace to see me through.
This tedious path I've chose here.
I certainly would have walked away,
by now.

Gonna wait it out. (Tool-"The Patient")

"Twirling 'round with this familiar parabol"

I'm in a Tool-mood today. I got drunk last night and started thinking. I'm not very good with thinking, I over think, over analyze, and then obsess...I try not to.

A friend said something last night that literally cut right through my stupor, like parting a wave, for the drunk to only slowly crash back. I have to wonder how hard I'm trying in certain situations. What can I do to make things better? To change opinions. And I do care! I care a lot! I'm not the type that can just shrug things off and ignore people. Whether I mean to or not things get to me...hence the thinking. So if this friend's opinion is really in this manner.....there's something I'm not doing correctly. But then this begs the social situation...what do you show them? What do you hold back? Its like political head games and every one's playing them, they know the rules and they know how to play. If that be the case, I need to get my ass in gear and play along. Or maybe not...maybe I just need to get my ass in gear and just fuck everything else thinks: choose a fucking goal...and do it, stop seeing all sides.