Thoughts on *honesty*

So I've been without my ritual *helpful sleep drinking* for almost a week and a half.
I've been without a sig-o for..I guess almost 3 weeks. And I'm thinking I should let down the playful sarcasm that I ride daily in my job and personal relationships with co workers and family.....

Except when I "let go" I realize that over the last few weeks, alone, I've felt more like "myself" than I ever have. I spent a really long time missing that optimistic happy-go-lucky-fearless kid my parents used to smile at. She went on an extra long hiatus in high school apparently, and has just decided to reestablish herself. I *grin* ear to ear on sunny days cause it just feels good to be in the sunshine. I laugh at everything, and while I'm still sarcastic, there's a genuine enjoyment underlying everything I feel...

There's a renewed sense of independance, which I LOVE. A feeling of freedom, to be my own person and make decisions that are ONLY going to affect me!

I've seen pics of the ex on Super M's flick'r page, and he looks happy. That's all I could want for him. I realize now that no matter how hard I pretended, tried, denied or ignored, we weren't on the same path....and that's OK!!!! It happens in life.

I've realized this before, there's a part of me that will always love him, and the times we shared. But I really feel that it's overshadowed by how excited I am at what's going to be coming at me next. I've been "testing" myself over the last week/week and a half listening/watching things "we" used to enjoy together, and I've realized I'm not willing to give up my enjoyment of things because "we" broke up. I will continue to love the music/movies/people/life/ I love, and go where next seems enjoyable. :D