Really Big Oops

I realized the other day, that I was wrong about something. Really really wrong. I thought one of the reasons I would be so "ok" was because I had been fooling myself about what our "relationship" really was. I thought I was forcing myself to hang onto a romantic notion about a really good friend. (you've GOT to be kidding!)

It hit me all at once. It didn't matter to me. I could live in New York, or Philadelphia, I could work at comcast or a fruit stand. It didn't matter to me, because I just wanted to be with "him".

I cracked. I cried..hard...because the only thing I really did want, won't be now. I was really wrong. And as usual hindsight and 20/20 and all, I can't fix my mistakes. And the kicker is,(I love this) I don't want to be with "him" if it makes "him" unhappy.

So, now I start making decisions for myself right? Start finding out what else it is that I want from life. I'm hoping I find it quick like so I won't have to think so much about this.

In the words of Dr. Gonzo "Wow...What a bummer."