I went to Strawberry Fields this morning before I
came home from New York. I walked down 72nd
right past the Dakota. Looking down the dark entrance
where John Lennon was murdered. I wasn't even ALIVE
when it happened, and it still brings a sense of loss
and sadness. And while there are still those who
advocate peace with the same passion as Lennon,
few come close to his artistic views, creativity,
or "knack" for sheer beauty.

As I followed the path down through the Park
I saw the mosaic in the cement. I was almost a
little disappointed, the last time I saw it was in Summer,
when people would lay flowers, and candles, and ribbon that

brought a vibrancy to the words.

I did say almost disappointed, because even though it wasn't
decorated as I remembered it, the message held the
same gravity. Imagine One simple word that inspires hope,
and rests on us all the responsibility everyone needs to carry.
Our little blue orb is in trouble, and our job, our right, our joy,
should be to imagine how to fix it successfully.

Never fails to entertain

JesusIsFingMetal: this is ur conscience speaking. why the hell arent u drunk right now?!

T0b104c3:well....im at work for one thing...and im broke for another

JesusIsFingMetal:blah blah blah. im hearing alot of excuses and not alot of drinking

T0b104c3:well let me ask you...are you drunk? cause if not...i got a big glass of "shut the hell up" frosty and cold just waitin for ya! : )

JesusIsFingMetal:well no but i could if i wanted to. i think ill take that cold and frosty glass u offered

T0b104c3:would you like a bag of "crap screamer" to with that? (hey are we drinkin friday or saturday?)

yuck

I felt like crap when I woke up at 4:30 this morning. I thought it was because I was hung over. I dozed a bit more, slamming my alarm clock when the snooze time had lapsed (fucker only gives me 3 minuets!!!!) and eventually roused myself to the shower. As time went on I felt better. Then I caught my bus up here, and walked......wow is it a far walk! The problem with staying at the hostel I'm at now is that its on the Upper West side of Manhattan. Chinatown, where I get off the bus is on the Lower East side, below Soho. Normally I wouldn't mind a bit of a stroll, except it was 33 degrees and windy. Burrrrrrrrrr

Finally found my train up to the hostel, checked in, and turned right around, caught the train back and went to work. Then I started to feel like crap again. Yuck. Made some tea a little bit ago. Tea's cool!

**Flashback**

When we were little my grandmother would take care of us when we were sick while my mom was at work. She'd make us a cup of tea, and pour a little Sambucca in it. Then she'd read to us until we fell asleep, which was never very long after. : )

** **

I've never been a voluntary fan of Sambucca, I don't dig the black licorice. But I think of it, and her, every time I drink tea.

I'm really not sure why.......

About 4 years ago, I was in English Comp 1 and College Math at AIPH. I met a guy named Shaun, and as it turns out he, my friend Jason, and I became friendly with each other. Later the boyfriend met him, and they got along as well.

Over the last 4 years I'm about the only person that continued to talk to Shaun. He's had a hard time of things, he lives in Upper Darby, and is kind of stuck there. When he graduated college, about 6 months before I did, he had really high hopes, and even higher standards. Despite his teacher's insistence, he diligently pursued careers in either story boarding (which requires MAD SKILLS to start off in, and years of dedication to get into) or traditional animation, which is a dying art.

I sympathized with him following what he really wanted, and even admired his tensity to not give up. Then his school loans started to come due, and he still couldn't find a job, anywhere, meanwhile a bad relationship with a woman he really loved kept plaguing him. She was emotionally abusive, and stunted, but he loved her. I wanted to give her a piece of my mind. He sank pretty fast unfortunately, and no matter how hard we tried, his friend, (and mine) James, and I couldn't get him to "kick himself in the ass" to get it together and pull himself out of his depression.

He sort of tried, volunteering to come with me when I thought of moving to California or London in an effort to "throw" myself into the "business hotbed" But always stood by his theory that he could never get anywhere on his own. Hearing this, and seeing him sinking deeper, I had to distance myself, I feel bad about it, but actually all of his friends did. I wanted to be the friend that "stuck by him".....but reality is irrefutable, I couldn't be responsible for "getting him on his feet"....and when he asked me to help him "get his foot in the door" of where I worked, I had to say no. I'm new...I'm not anyone special. I don't have years of experience behind me, and a resume of gold stars.

As time happens to go, I got busy, I figured his aim message is always on forward to mobile, and if he really needed to talk to me he'd message me. So we didn't talk for a while. Tonight he actually came online...and I messaged him. Imagine my surprised when he responded, in his overly dramatic way, suggesting I go kill myself. I asked him if he were serious or if he were just being strangely sarcastic, and he affirmed his thoughts.

*shrug* ok, I don't get it, but I can respect it. I said goodbye and deleted him. Quite frankly, whether overly dramatic, whether really serious or not, I don't need the drama. None of his situation is my fault, and I keep telling myself not to feel bad about it. I'm not offended by his comment, because I can understand his being bitter if his situation hasn't improved....but that leaves me to wonder......was I wrong to finally give up? Should I have said something more? He was/is? my friend......should I have let him have his temper tantrum and then sorted things out once the proverbial smoke cleared?

I suppose I have to say no. I have my own "full plate" right now of things that need my attention. I can't go back to being resident "Dear Abby" for my friends. If we're meant to go back to being friends, I suppose it will turn out that way. As for right now, I focus on getting my act together.

So why do I still feel so bad, like I should have been more compassionate? : /

Birthday Celebration

T0b104c3: c'mon dude, we got less than a week to think of something cool to do.

JesusIsFingMetal: im partial to raping puppies

T0b104c3: didn't we do that last year???
(My friend and I are going to hell....we know this)
T0b104c3: oh...no...we went to that show at the house of blues

T0b104c3: dude...we should just go get completely fucking drunk

JesusIsFingMetal: lol its coming down to that
T0b104c3: why don't you transfer to ainy??

T0b104c3: easier than transferring to ai in cal

JesusIsFingMetal: ai in ny doesnt have any real animation program

T0b104c3: ? really? suck pot! they can go to hell and when they get there...they'll tell'em murphy sent em

JesusIsFingMetal: quiet little murphy. tc is doing...something

T0b104c3: lol

T0b104c3: OH MY GOD

T0b104c3: THAT"S IT

T0b104c3: get drunk

T0b104c3: and watch SEALAB!!!

JesusIsFingMetal: lol

T0b104c3: that's so fucking it its not even funny!

Pets and rescue

The boyfriend and I were talking about moving to New York again. Maybe I won't be going alone......??

I'm not sure what the time table is looking like anymore, and the longer I wait the longer this seems like its going to take. I'm still determined to make it happen...the best way to do it though is not clear.

One thing seems to be for certain, if we get an apartment together, we want pets. : )
Boyfriend wants a dog, I say as long as the thing is at least 2 feet tall, and weighs 35 lbs its fine. I don't want a swiffer mop yapping at me. Sorry, its not that small dogs are less lovable...but I want a big cuddle buddy. Something to knock me over with big smelly dog kisses. : )

I figure this is due to my summers with my cousins down in Maryland, they had a really awesome Great Dane named Duke. To and eight year old he was a freakin horse, running around their back yard/woods he would chase you down from out of nowhere and wrestle with you. He was at least 50 lbs of pure love, never biting, never overly aggressive. And he'd let the cat sleep on his back at night. : )

I have a cat named Poe (as in Edgar Allen, not the teletubby. That occurred to me later on : ( ] My sister and I adopted her and her sister from a litter almost 3 years ago. Poe, will be moving with me, but she needs company, she's not the most confidant of kitties. : / And since her little sister Aries will be staying with my younger sister, I'll need to adopt a friend for her. I'm considering the experimental, adopt another kitten, that way it won't threaten Poe too much, and hopefully build her confidence.

So I've spent a little time web researching, and found some neat animal rescue shelters in NY. Animal haven is my favorite so far as they don't believe in euthanizing un adopted animals.

On second thought....

I had two posts up yesterday, they were whiny...funny at the time, but I decided against leaving them up when I looked at them today. Sooo if never were they seen...meh ok by me : )

Spent the night in the hostel...its was...interesting..at first. Jamie doesn't do credit cards, so no holding a room with one took place before I came up. Eh no biggie I figure. I got the last bed in the hostel actually, but as it happened it was in a "guys" room. Errr...umm...well now's not the time to start being picky : / I met one of my roommates, an older guy from Japan. He was very polite, and though we never actually introduced ourselves by name (huh...how did that happen??) the conversation, what we understood of each other, was pleasant.

I got done work early, we didn't have to do any reshoots, and was back at the hostel by 2 am. The Japanese man, I had met earlier that day, and another guy, about 24/25, who I later met and found out was from Switzerland, were already asleep. So I tossed my bag on the top bunk, and curled up to sleep. Then the 4th roommate came in. For some reason, that made me a little uncomfortable. I rolled over facing the wall, and actually hoped he wouldn't notice I was the only girl in the room. I actually felt scared when something bumped the bunk bed, and I really realized...I don't know who these people are. Sure...they're probably just normal every day people......probably. Call me paranoid. *shrug* I finally told myself to get a grip and nodded off. Woke up around 7, and decided to take a little walk.

I treated myself to some yummy dried mango slices for lunch today, thinking about buying some fruit to take back when I get back to China town on the way home. I really like being here! I actually like all the people and the noise (go figure) My biggest hangup now is...if I do move here...I'm not gonna be able to go to Phillies or Flyers games. : ( I'm gonna miss dollar dog day at Citizen's Bank Park....or the Mites on Ice (Pee Wee hockey 5 year olds too cute!!) during the game. : (

And there's NO WAY I'm becoming a New York fan...I already promised my dad. : )

out to lunch

Went out for lunch today with the boy, while I had some time away from the family. While I was sipping my Mohito, and he his Blue Moon, we got to more talking about the leaving thing. :_(

Up until now he's been nothing but supportive, as he always is. "Whatever happens happens"....until finally I did about the only thing a respectful, caring lover can do; I tossed the idea of the male ego and pried until he spilled how he was really feeling.

It was about what I expected, as I told one of his friends later on, when asked. Its really gonna suck, really big sucky sucking suckage, not to be able to see him. "Lots of people have long distance relationships"....very true....that doesn't make it any easier LOL.

Eh we'll make due and pluck along. Absence makes the heart grow fonder and all that. I guess just cross bridges as they come : /

weekend fun

So this week we ran into something of a snag. I was driving along Monday morning shortly before 9. Coming up to a stop sign I was coasting....and upon sneezing hit the gas instead of the break. OH SHIT!!! After the breaks locked up and I skidded into traffic...CA-RASH!

The down side
I basically totaled my car (though its not official yet)
Fact is I hit the other car
I'm car less, and soon going to drown worse in bills
I think I kinda hurt my wrist cause oww with the turning it in certain directions. (ie...don't do that! :)

The up side
This presents a unique and mandatory opportunity for me to now pick up and move to New York, which was inevitable what I needed to do.

So this weekend, after doing some net research, and with the assurance of both friendly enthusiasts; Ben and Laura, I'm going to try doing some Hostel living! I'm actually pretty excited. Seems like you meet some very interesting people...and oddly enough as I said in a recent post, this will allow me the experience of dorm living, which I opted not during college. Funny how life does stuff like that isn't it?....Not really funny ha-ha...more like duck wearing a bow tie funny. Regardless, this will be an interesting opportunity, especially in the "city that never sleeps" I think the best part, and very much the most unexpected was that my mom is really supportive of this "idea". She thinks going up this weekend will be a good experience, as long as I "play it safe"....and that moving to New York is where I need to be for my career. Wow....talk about not seeing that coming!

I have a good feeling about this. (crosses fingers please whatever god might be up there....I could really use some non suckage right about now)

Happy Happy Happiness

I'm feeling a bit better today. Found out one of my co-workers is in a showcase to win a spot on Jimmy Kimmel live! So anyone reading this, much encouragement

2/22/07 8:00 pm John Powers at Stand Up New York

Thinkin about makin it the "birthday thing" for Jason and I. Its a leap year this year, so his birthday isn't the day after mine, but.... still good! I was asked the dreaded....question as I was leaving for New York yesterday, "What do you want for your birthday?".............The answer's pretty much the same as it was at Christmas, and every year of my life before...."I don't know...I don't really need anything : /" Its not that I'm trying to be difficult...I just really don't do this list of things I want thing very well. I did try thought "I need comic book boxes, probably 3 of them, they're at the comic book store and they're like 1.98 each" I don't really wanna describe the look I got at that. : /

Say what you will.........

Ran into a controversial discussion at work tonight. Lindsay, one of our Viz operators wanted to watch a cnn documentary on David Pearl. Yea, sure. Except that this of course sparked conversation regarding our position in Iraq, and subsequent topics.

Traditionally by polite conversation standards you ARE supposed to avoid topics like this, but I don't believe in tradition like that. So while one of the camera men, rattled on about how right we were to be there, how we should have, for all intents and purposes, decimated the entire middle east and wiped out an entire culture. I formed my rebuttal. I asked simply...how do you justify the difference between the US' actions in that scenario, and Nazi Germany?

Well...he didn't have an answer for that. He stumbled and stammered a bit, before finally, without any kind of logical progression of facts, he simply negated my comments, stopping just short of personally attacking me. I suppose I should feel "triumphant" because I "won" the logical argument. But it wasn't a win. The sheer callousness, and ignorance of this person actually unsettled me. And to know that its so common place is even worse. I didn't win the battle tonight because ignorance still exists. The worst part is my co worker is at LEAST in his late 50's early 60's. And as he snowballed the rest of the room into making crude jokes about the death of David Pearl, I couldn't help but want to loose my cool.

"Wouldn't you kill a rabid dog if he tried to attack and bite you" was something he asked me. "Maybe so, but that doesn't mean I kill every dog I see just because of ONE!" I was really shocked at his line of thinking. Then he went on to say "They're not even dogs, they're lower than dogs".....In my opinion sir, any higher life form, such as a human, who cannot feel compassion is more dangerous than any terrorist.

He said "I must be a Democrat" as if I were supposed to be insulted. If those are my only two options, I'd rather be a bleeding heart Democrat, than a mind controlled gun wielding murdering Republican, with blood on my hands.

Its stuff like this that really depresses me...because I can't change his mind. I couldn't find a solution for us to agree to disagree. And maybe that has nothing to do with me, but I still feel like I failed at something important.

Dorm life....I missed out

Yesterday gets filed in my "favorite days" list.

Stayed over the boyfriend's Tuesday night, so as soon as Wednesday began, it was a good day. :) Got home and found that Photoshop had finished downloading (yay!) and after a quick search, I found an all purpose program maker worker (for those who aren't computer speak inhibited a serial key-gen, woot!) Installed it and.....shazam! instant Photoshop without the pesky need to pay $$ for it. Burned it to a disc and, along with the copy of After Effects I already "stole" and burned a while ago, they were ready for install on my sister's computer, all worky and good!
Took the Mensa test while waiting to leave for the train. Scored an 18 really...but the test disagreed with what I thought one of the answers should be, so it gave me a 17. Screw it if it doesn't take creative answers into account ; )
Caught the train into the city, and froze my butt off on the way to the U Arts dorm. (Ona {o-nah}) the younger sister and I made dinner, lemon chicken and pasta with salad, and for some reason sides of corn and apple slices. Although she insisted that the apples went well with pasta, and that you can "never have too many starches" i stuck with the pasta and salad for dinner, and kept the apple slices for later.
Watched Scrubs, the bestest bestest bestest show on comedy central. And then popped in a movie and broke out the "snacks" I bought along the way. Popcorn and Pretzels, and Hershey's chocolate pieces!
Helped her write a fairy tale for homework, and laughed ourselves to sleep in the living room some time around 3 am.

Back story: Before we moved, our old house only had 3 bedrooms, so for 9 years she and I were roommates. Most of the time we were so "bad together" we weren't allowed to; do homework together, go to bed at the same time, get dressed at the same time, and many other every day things because we'd just end up making each other laugh. Which meant; late for school, unfinished homework, and being awake to all hours of the night. : )

Took her out to breakfast this morning at my favorite little diner on 17th and Walnut, they have great coffee, and good omelette's. And then window shopped....quickly! before going back to thaw out, and so she could get ready for class. Hug bye and then a brisk, undesired, sprint 4 blocks to make the train on time.

Note....did you know that the icky tight feeling you get when running in the cold *doesn't* go away if you take a really hot shower?? Myth Busted! : )

because I can

by the way...since I'm STILL not doing work......24 days is the count down!

haha...work

Sooo I've been posting to my blog and chatting with the boy via myspace all day at work....how is this possible? you might ask. HEHE...weeeeeeell....that's just how it goes in the world of sports sometimes hehe.

I got in to the city early thinking I might finally have the time to trek down to Midtown Comics, get my nerd on since I'm a few issues behind in a few books : / But when I came up from the parking garage onto the street I immediately knew it wasn't happening. The garage is only two blocks from my building, the short side of the blocks too, not the long side, in those two blocks I couldn't feel my legs, and my nose had practically run off of my face. : ( So I killed three hours with some drawing, a little reading and some research for the project the boy and I are working on.

3pm showed up, and so did the rest of the crew, and then we started our normal weekend redoric. We played some video games, Desert Storm, talked hung out, ate dinner (we get pizza sundays courtesy of SNY) and then we looked at our broadcast....whoops...I guess we're not doing the 6pm broadcast since we're still showing the South American World Series double header.....so....we turn on the superbowl (high def big plasma screen woot!)

The second Baseball game starts around 8pm....uhhhh it won't be over in time for the 10 pm broadcast either. So now its 10:42, the game is in the 7th innning....annnd maybe at some point today I'll actually do some work?

The funny thing about is today Arthur, one of our tech guys (cues footage etc) hands me a card and asks "Did anyone go over the union status with you?" "Uhhhh no Arty actually I missed that memo with my tps report."

Apparently "The Union" rolled through our little Sports New York studio, and we're gonna be unionized....and I somehow get included! I'm a freelancer...I'm not staff. "We'll get a pay raise when we join up"

Show me where to sign! : D (No, I'm not about money like that....but I just started paying back my school loans...ugh!)

So I gotta do a little research about them, but from what I've seen so far the one time dues of 3 grand get waived, they have a network of contacts in all the studios in New York to send resumes to, and...pay raise. Maybe I won't need to bank on getting hired full time....and maybe I won't need to take that job I got offered at the bank!....
(see blog http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=31808204&blogID=224974190&MyToken=a9556699-c98c-4846-b7d1-4ae3739ff9fd )

me: im just saying...its like land sliding...cause nothing was happening the last two weeks...and now I got a job offer from the bank...and now sny is opening doors possibly....its just...really
bf: i told you things would happen. you are young and you have your whole future in front of you. its a pretty exciting time in your life :-)
me: will you stop talking like you're old? you're not. I love you :-*
bf: i love you :-*
(cute term of endearment deleted to keep up manly boyfriendness)
I love my boyfriend!

So I got paid today to sit around, play games, talk to my boyfriend and watch football.....I love working here!

Damn you candy machine!

I hate the vending machine in the break room at work. I go in to make myself coffee every so often and as I'm waiting for the Cuisinart's big brother to brew me a cup I turn around...and there it is! The big dumb jerk! Staring at me with its twix and snickers bars...lined up diabolically next to its trail mix and granola snacks. What sick and twisted bastard does that??? Puts really good nice healthy type snacks next to horrible chocolate goodness???

There have been one or two occasions were I need a snack fix....after the 11 show, the tummy grumbles when you know you're working till 2 am...anywho.... I go down with every intention of something "not so bad" maybe a granola bar, maybe some fruit snacks if I'm REALLY feeling wild...But when I get there its not the case!

My change rattles nervously in my hand as it quickly becomes apparent that the really bad "junk food" is making it a hard decision. I tell myself to "stay strong" and not give in, as the laundry list of calories, preservatives, and bad chemically altered ingredients run through my head.....but then the twix...in a sad little voice says.....but I taste really good!

DAMN YOU!!!(Let the rabbits wear glasses! j/k) I haven't given in.....that doesn't make it any better though. Stupid vending machine. : P