*gulp*

It's now 1:30 am....and since it just happened I will confess...

There are days when I look down at the Comic Books on my floor, the DVD boxes, and the RPG on the computer screen in front of me and I wonder.....is it really THAT BAD????

Did I, long ago, start down the path of the Dark Side? Does it now, and forever dominate my life? .........Considering I just quoted F*%&%NG STAR WARS I'd say YES!!!!!!!!!!!!

Good GOD...I'm a NERD!!

*Whew*

Yesterday...er well it just turned 12am...Sunday, was great!

Saturday we did the whole cook out thing, that was...interesting. A propane grill (without a starter system) filled with charcoal briquettes, sprayed with lighter fluid then set on fire (without the result of blowing anyone up)gave us some good dogs, burgers (veggie for me) and toasty buns...with only a slight lighter fluid taste to them. (We had a hard time getting it going)

I made some yummy pasta salad...actually..way too much..pasta salad. (I always forget just how much 2lbs of pasta really is!) Some picky veggies, and a really neat red pepper veggie dip. (I cheated and used a packet..sue me) Along with a yummy cucumber salad. And, um, oooops....that whole bunch of corn I kind of forgot I cooked and left sitting in the pot on the stove while everyone ate the other food.... My big swollen head-pride comes from that, aside from the dip, I made everything else from guesstimation (and luck) Basically I made it look the way I remember it looking at family bbq's *grin*

Sunday morning Mattie came over to hang for his Birthday/vacation. (which makes me a little sad, "I appreciate that you're spending you vacations with me...but dude...we're in jersey....ya sure??") And yesterday....HAPPY BIRTHDAY MATTIE!!!!!!!

My mom called me Saturday, wanting to get together, I had to post pone until Sunday,I'm REALLY happy we got together!

We grabbed an early dinner at the neat little bistro around the corner. I hadn't seen my Mom in 2 months.......wow!!!

A) that's the longest I'd ever been without seeing my mom...EVER.
B)The second I saw her none of the bullshit we've been fighting about mattered anymore, and I couldn't have been happier.

My Dad came as well and we sat, and chatted, just the three of us. *Smile* The topics weren't always fun, but we didn't argue, and when I watched them drive away, I felt relieved. There are some hard choices I'm going to have to make soon, where I want to be (the name Bethesda seems to be creeping up again) and what I want to do. But a little of each thing each day. :)

on me

....emphatic official speeches always give me goosebumps....whether what's being spouted is bullshit or not

Sick day : P

Ramworship came over Tuesday night after work to help me finalize organizing his birthday BBQ. (Saturday woot!! I may procrastinate...but at least I'm organized about it!) Matic, Johno, Ramworship and I hung out for a bit, they went out "to the club", and Ramworship and I cuddled (we're very good at cuddling) up to a movie.

I awoke to a nudge.."Do you have any cough drops?"........hmm...4:30 am? Mumble-ish whine?? Cough drops!!! Oh NO!! Ramworship came down with a cold during the night. :( My 7 am round up of tylenol, oj and chicken soup helped a little when he started running a fever. :( Soup, tea and lots of movies today. *sigh* I needed to clean the house, but every time I went to start something he'd look at me with that poor pout-y "I don't feel good" look that only guys get when they're sick.

Ramworship: "I wasted the whole day sleeping"
Me: "What do you mean? You LOVE sleeping...its your favorite pass time"
Ramworship: "Shuddup!....do we have any cheesey fries?"
Me: "What?? Are you sure you're not faking???"

Last ditch attempt, I ran out and got some nyquil earlier....though the hallucinating babble was a little strange at first (Do NOT let sick people [especially those with substance knowledge] self medicate)Hopefully, since it came on so quickly, he'll feel a lot better tomorrow.

I wish you could hear me..............

The situation with my family is not getting any better. No matter what I try to say or do we're just not communicating. Especially my mom and I. My sister's and I don't even talk.....but my mom and I try to, and it just goes to shit. I'm tired, I'm worn out, and I miss having my family a lot.

During one of our conversations, my mom mentioned that I'd never been as open with her, as my sisters are. And despite the fact that this is just my personality, I showed her my flickr page. I really wanted to make her happy. To take a step.....instead she was "disturbed" and "hurt" by the fact that in my pictures, I'm happy....... "wait....are you mad at me for NOT being miserable living on my own?" No answer.

I really hope all this feels so badly right now because I'm just pms depressed...hopefully everything just feels 100 times worse than it is.

I told myself that looking back on my problems with my family years from now, I'd laugh. I don't know that I'll be laughing at this.

3 Books in almost 2 months

Just finished my Tales of Discworld collection book. Basically 3 books shoved into 1 big hardback book. (I got it for 50 cents at a used book store!!!) Almost 2 months and 742 pages later....I LOVE Terry Pratchett more every time I read his work!

Not only is he a great fiction writer, (who's imaginary world is JUST as interesting as Tolkien's ever was)but he's British on top of it, so its hilarious all the same! Maybe its just me, and when an author breaks 3rd person narration to make offhand Pythonesq comments, it happens to be right up my alley. But there's also the complete irreverence for the traditional narrative voice as well. *GRIN*

Definite suggestion, if you're ever looking for some light hearted, easy reading introduce yourself to Discworld. (ESPECIALLY if you can find it for 50 cents!!!)

Good old duality

GNO was AWESOME. I love Mel, I've never had a friend whose views were so different than mine, and yet we always agree to disagree! All of our discussions, be it Art, Pro life vs Choice, gossip, music...anything, are something I look forward to. : )

Mel just got back from Seattle, so a good deal of the night was spent with stories of the night life over there. And then I got to thinking. They were slightly disjointed, kind of tipsy thoughts, that only came together today while I was riding the bus over the Ben Franklin, but thoughts none the less. When I first started working up in New York, I found myself bopping around from state to state. Starting one morning in PA, ending the day in New Jersey, waking up there to head to New York. I loved traveling. Now, I'm sorry to say, its very routine. And my original enthusiasm about moving up to New York, is somewhat "eh" in nature. I watch Philadelphia as I leave now, and I actually miss it. I guess, as much as I wanted to be "nomadic" my "home" still feels like its there.

This is not to say that I don't still want to travel. Ramworship and I still talk about England and Spain...the ever elusive "someday" when we'll get it together to go there. (I still REALLY want to see Nepal) I know at sometime in my future, I will make this happen...but as someone once said, and my impatience agrees, "The future....everyday I wake up and its still the present"

I've even started looking into different careers that would require international travel

GNO!

Yay so excited! Getting ready for Girls Night Out at Nodding Head. (I love that place!) The Bartenders are all Irish (accents included) And they have a dart board...I'm a closet Dart shark...*grin*

Ramworship: "What the hell??!!"
Me: "My Dad taught me how to throw darts."
Ramworship: "grrr.."
Me: "Release from your eye"
Ramworship: *misses* "GRRRRRR!"

Still incredible, used to be edible....

There are some days I wish Ramworship wouldn't be so encouraging. *sigh*

We woke up late this morning, since he and I both had off today. And contemplating breakfast he asked if there were any eggs. "Can you make an omelet?" I didn't really think so, but I just can't say no to that smile of his so...

I chopped and mixed and it was so far so good. I'm not bad at scrambled eggs, or fried...and my pancakes tend to rock!.... Except that I pour everything into the pan...and now the hard part...flip!.........OH CRAP!!!

I burned it. Eww. Which I'm actually really surprised at, since I didn't even have the heat on that high. I couldn't flip it right the first time, so then I had to flip the whole thing over again. The outcome was NOT getting any better.

And then, even when it was on the plate, dark brown, and black spotted all over, he still smiled at me. I wanted to make him something else. Anything...even cereal would have been safe. All he did was plop on the ketchup and grin.

Call me a total cheese-ball...but I'm definitely finding that I love him more and more everyday. Still counting myself LUCKY that I get to love him, and have him in my life.

..It makes sense

As if I needed something else to be a pain in the butt right now?

Every year, from about June on there's a window where my allergies get really bad. So I walk around looking like a zombie (or a HUGE pot head...depending on how you look at it) with my eyes all blood shot. I've noticed it the last few years,....actually its kind of hard to miss when I have to wear sunglasses inside, cause they're so light sensative, and can't even put my contacts in. It normally doesn't last for more than a week, usually 2..3 days at the most. This year there's the added bonus of somehow I broke a blood vessel in my eye as well, so it's not only irritated pink, but also icky blood red! WOOOOOHOOOOO!

I love Eric, one of our production assistants,

Eric: What did that say?
Me: I don't know I can't see 2 feet in front of my face.
Eric: *quizzical look*
Me: No contacts, and I can't find my glasses.
Eric: Oh ow! How'd you do that to your eye??
Me: Eric...If I knew how I did it, I wouldn't have done it.
Eric: True

Frustration while playing video games with Ramworhip

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH


Sweetie!!! It's a video game! It's a code written response to a computer generated situation! It's 1's and 0's!!!!! IT CAN'T CHEAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's NOT cheating just because WE suck! at playing!!!!!! It's just a WII!!!!!!!



(breathe)........I feel better now =] LOL

Long day

Loyalty is a funny thing. People can demand it from you, without actually showing you any.

Hypocrisy is a funny thing. People can hate you for one action, then turn around and perpetrate essentially the same action, and still condemn you.

If the conversation was really supposed to be about understanding, communication, and addressing issues it would go something like this...
"You really hurt us."
"I know, and I'm sorry."
"Don't do it again."
"I will try not to."
and that would be the end of it. I am fairly sure the conversation WILL NOT go that way, because they do not want understanding, communication, solutions, or peace. They want a witch hunt and a Crucifixion. I will not ever again hate myself to please someone else. So the question is, do I walk away for good? Everything in me wants to say yes,that if their intention IS to hurt me, I shouldn't even think twice.

hmmm...'parently this one's not allowed to have a title either.....

I LOVE the little Cafe down the street from where I work! If I'm here in the morning (like today) I go and get a yummy vegan yogurt parfait! You basically by a cup, then pick your flavor of (soy) yogurt (today I got blueberry), oats (they only come in one flavor...oat) and your fruit to top it off! (Bananas and Orange slices today) I found a receipe to make my own vegan yogurt...I might give it a whirl. =]

Apparently this blog isn't allowed to have a title??

Just another night of not sleeping. Fun! At least J's around to keep me company. We spent most of college iming each other all night cause we both knew neither of us slept. *sigh* nostalgic moment....5 years later and we're still talking all night long instead of sleeping. In a sort of screwed up way....I appreciate that.

Reading a book to fall asleep usually just leaves me with eye strain (to do list...FIND YOUR GLASSES!!!) Tea doesn't help, exercise doesn't help. I turn on the tv any more and I can FEEL my brain leaking (it's drippy and gross!) I'm going to stick to my "non compliance of medicianl sleep aid" (eff that)

The one thing that DOES worry me is the only time I do actually get several hours of sleep is passing out from alcohol consumption. There's NO WAY this is a solution. Sides, I can't limit my sleeping to Friday nights only. *shrug* oh well...least I can catch up on blogs and postings. : )

addendum

We also found another "surprise" waiting last night that really makes me want to be a nasty bitch about it...........


Ramworship came to the house (like normal) a few weekends ago. For fun he actually brought his turn tables. He showed Matic and Johno how to spin (mostly play with his mixer) and that sunday we went to Seaside. Matic's cousin was supposed to go with us, but he ditched out to go hang out with Matic's ex girlfriend.

When we got back from the beach, Ramworship (and matic) were really sunburnt...and Ramworship couldn't pack all of it up and take it home with him that day. A few days ago Matic asked Ramworship if it would be alright if he used his tables while Ramworship wasn't there....he said fine. So I showed Matic how to turn them on, and he put a record on one of the tables, put the needle down, and it skated right across it.

Matic-"Is that supposed to do that?"
Me- "No.....leave it alone I'll ask Ramworship about it later"


Well Ramworship takes a look at his table last night....

Ramworship "WHAT THE FUCK!"
Me "What??"
Ramworship "The needle's broken off!"
(I don't think the look on my face really could be described using any of the following...dumbfounded, shocked, pissed, confused and angry because it surpassed all of them)
Me "what??"


Ok....so this is where I lose my temper........
Because as it was explained to me...you really have to TRY for a record needle to be broken. .....If a particualr someone did fuck with his stuff I will turn on the henious bitch, I don't care about the repricussions.

Crash landing

The saying goes "It takes all kinds of people". At first I laughed when I made the "social skill" comparisons between myself and my friends. But now the gravity of that statement really puts things in perspective.

Everyone in the house, including our unofficial occupants (Ramworship, Johno, and BMC) has their own personality quirks, but we all get along...all except for Matic's cousin. I've only known him for a few months, but in that time I've seen him turn down more opportunites to "join in" and be part of the group than I can count. And that's fine. We're not his crowd, or he's just not into it, it's his decision. The problem is that he harbors a grudge about his self-imposed isolation. A grudge that he will passive-aggressivly stew over until it becomes an enormous problem.

Last night we celebrated Johno's birthday. It started out as Matic, BMC and myself. Ramworship came over later that afternoon. In the evening Cousin came home, and shortly thereafter Johno and Spags came over. So, as they usually do, Matic, BMC, Johno and Spags started to jam on their instruments. Dorothy came home soon after that and everyone, except Cousin, was hanging out having a good time. (The guys have a verbal agreement with Cousin that their curfew on jamming is 10pm) Later to our surprise Rob, May,(who no one has seen and QUITE a while!) and their friend Mike also showed up for Johno's birthday. And everyone had a good time until 9:45. A few minutes after they put their instruments down, the police walked through the front door saying that it's time to break up the party. DUDE......THE FUCKING POLICE!!!!!!

Instead of acting like a 28 year old adult, and coming downstairs and saying to ANY PERSON in the house "hey could you stop playing, could you keep it down, or I'm not comfortable with this many people in the house" Cousin called the police.....what a TOOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

When they started inquiring who lived there, Dorothy included BMC (as they're dating and he was staying the night) and I included Ramworship (as he was also staying with us) Cousin spitefully went after BMC saying he "was not allowed to stay" and left Ramworship alone. There are indepth reasons why Cousin did this, reasons that I'm not entirly in disagreement with, but not spitefully. Not to hurt Dorothy, which is why he did it.

The funniest part was that the police looked annoyed just to have to be there. But when the 4 of us (Dorothy, Matic, Ramworship and myself) explained the verbal curfew agreement, and that Cousin had not bothered to say anything first, they seemed more annoyed at Cousin than anyone else!

UGH... we're all moving out asap. BMC put it best, "The guy doesn't want roommates, he wants to be "father" of a house of people helping him to pay his bills."

Up until now I've been trying to stay objective. Not to get involved with past problems between Cousin, Matic or Dorothy. Just keep my head down and do my thing. I'm just not sure alot of objectivity was left after last night.